My shit

Sunday ; August 26, 2012 ; 8:27 am

     Ever since I saw that comment by Mico on another (pretty) girl on Facebook, I couldn’t concentrate. But who am I to do something? He’s not even mine. He knows I exist, but I don’t think he’ll notice me. Ever. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I give up on him. It was just a silly old crush that was going nowhere. 

     Yesterday though was a pretty (ISH) good day. When I forgot my pick and ran back to my guitar teacher’s room to get it, Darwin was there. And he laughed. Did he laugh because of my stupidness? Idk. But all I know is it was me who made him laugh. I hope I’ll do it again someday too :)

Friday ; August 24, 2012 ; 9:00 pm

     Lots of things happened. Can’t really state them all. I’m just trying to update my bloggy-ish life :)) 

     One thing though, I’m a hopeless romantic. 

Monday ; Agust 13, 2012 ; 8:05 am

     Yesterday was the last day of the 3-day camp at Monresa Retreat House in Sum-Ag. What I can tell you is, I feel renewed after the camp. 

     DAY 1

     I was nervous. I really was since I wasn’t good at making friends. 

     When we got there, I was sort of relieved that it was only scholasticans first. Phew. I knew some of them na :D It really felt like being in a sorority because it really felt like we were in a sorority. 

      We introduced ourselves, etc.

     Talk 1: God’s Love

     The speaker was Manang Yen-Yen. A friend of EMily’s sister. 

      She talked about God’s Love for us, and how he sacrificed his only begotten son for the sake of others. 

     After which there was a sharing. When they mentioned this, I felt like I was going to fall. I really felt this heavy weight in me since I don’t really share heart-breaking experiences with anyone because I always worry that I’ll be judged. But the moment I met my groupmates, I immediately trusted them. So, I told them my story. The story about how I mourned mine and Kim’s friendship. I didn’t tell them who though, except Shine. After that activity, I really felt a huge weight being lifted. And, yadda yadda yadda =)) 

     DAY 2

     Most of us woke up at 4 am. And took a bath. They support said it was really funny since they woke up 2 hours later. 

     Talk 2: Who is Jesus Christ to you?

     When we had our group sharing and they asked us this question, my answer was Father. For me, Jesus was like a father because of lots of reasons. One, he sacrificed himself just like how a father would sacrifice himself for you. Two, he takes care of you just like how a father does. 

    Talk 3: Repentance, Healing, Forgiving

     This talk was like a gun shot at the arse for me. 

     It really grasped my attention. It also made me find out that I AM a sinner. All of the things stated, were things I do. 

     In the afternoon, we had free time. They also said that you  DGLs would talk to you one by one. Shine was the one who talked to me. She asked me about my problems. So, I told her. I trusted her enough since I knew her since Prep. 

     I told her how I was always so insecure about other girls. How I longed for a love life. How I wanted attention, even just a little bit. How I wanted to have a pretty face and a slim body. How I was sick of people always’a judging me. And what Shine said really made me cry. She said that to be beautiful, you needed the total package. You needed to be beautiful inside and out. She told me that I was, especially in the inside. She said that I was always generous to them. (aww). She also said that they (my friends) will always be with me. I was really touched honestly. She also said that they accepted my imperfections. She said that if they didn’t, they wouldn’t be friends with me. Honestly, I’ve always wanted to hear that. She really made me feel good about myself. 

      Talk 4: Receiving the Holy Spirit

      To be honest, I was really sleepy during this talk. But when Manong Harold told us to close our eyes and imagine Jesus sitting in front of us, I wanted to scream. Since I distanced myself from God, I always had a hard time imagining his face. When I started, his face was like a mixture of him and something evil-looking. I was scared. I was praying inside, “Lord, please show your face. Please Lord, I’m really sorry”. I’m not lying, after a few minutes, I actually saw his face. 

     Then, Manong Harold started to tell us about a story. 

     It was between a child and a mom. They were having a fight. The child told the mom, “Gaga Ka (a form of saying you’re stupid. you’re a bitch)”. When the child got home from school, she was surprised to see candles everywhere. And a coffin. Her mom was dead.

     Lots of us really cried here. I was one of them. Not only did this story touch me, it made me remember my Grandmother who died 5 years ago. I was never close to her. I remember telling her to stay out of my life. My apology to her wasn’t even sincere. I was just too lazy to hear my mom’s constant yapping. At March 10, 2007, she died. Lunch time. I was at Jollibee, having tutor. It was my mom who rushed to me and told me that “Lola” was dying. When we arrived in the hospital, I almost shattered to pieces. My grandmother was just squinting. I rushed to her and hugged her and told her not to go. How life wouldn’t be the same without her. 

     After that flashback, I imagined my grandmother sitting beside Jesus in front of me. I even noticed that I was opening my palms. Imagining that they were holding my hands. That’s when I realized, I miss my grandmother. I wanted her back. But there was nothing that I could do. 

     During this, we were baptized by the Holy Spirit. One by one. Then we sang songs of praise :D Which was really fun btw. It felt like watching a concert. 

     At night, we had a pageant. I remember letting Abby use my tampon. We used the tampon as her earring xD Sadly, we didn’t win. 

     DAY 3

     Talk 5: How we can apply the gift of the Holy Spirit 

     I learned that we should apply what we learned inside camp. I promised myself that I’ll change for the better. Slowly, but surely. 

     Then our parents arrived and there was a prayer of general healing and forgiveness. My parents cried. Me too :) 

     After which, we had our sharing. Emily was so cute during the sharing! She said  ”I know you people may think that I’m a rock since I never cried”. Then she started crying. She also mentioned that she hopes we’ll be allowed to go to the Expo in Manila on October 6-7 ;) 

     All in all, I felt renewed. I feel like God gave me a new day to have a fresh start. 

     When I got home, I slept at 3 pm, and woke up at 5 am the enxt day ;) Thanks God! 

    Now, I really know that I am not alone. God is with me. And I’ll always find people who will accept em for who I am. 

     YFC-GK 1MB helped me. A lot. 

Wednesday ; August 8 ; 10:27 pm

     I’m already 14. Yayy

     Lots of greets today, dad cooked and friends went to my house. 

     It was complete. Sort of. I kind of wanted Mico to greet me though. It could’ve made my birthday. 

     Haven’t really posted entries since I’m really focusing on schoolwork. 

     And besides, my life is pretty boring. 

Tuesday ; August 7, 2012 ; 9:43 pm

     Holy Shit. 

     Today’s my last “being 13” day.

     I’ll be 14 tomorrow. 

     Can’t wait. 

     Not. 

     I really hope Mico will greet me though :”> 

     If not, my birthday would be complete crap. 

Saturday ; August 4, 2012 ; 6:32

     I’m losing my friends. All of them. 

     I don’t really think it’s my fault. Honestly. It’s the influence of other people on them. 

     Yes, I admit that compared to 6th grade and last year, I changed. I became more quiet. I stopped bullying people. I became mature. So, guess what happens, everyone ditches me because I’m not “popular” ish anymore? Because I talk to normal people who don’t talk behind your back? 

      I have one thing in my mind: find new friends.

     Krizzia’s an exception though. It’s like, when everyone decides to hang out with the in-crowd, she doesn’t. We always stick together. With Ruffa. Or am I losing her to Ruffa too? 

     Today, what made me tear-up in the car was what Emily told me. And how the others reacted. Before I say it, I wasn’t sad because Andrea didn’t invite me to go to the movies with her. We’re not close. 

     But when Emily asked me if she asked me, and I said “No”, Idk who said it, but someone in our group said “Awww” in a mocking way. Was it her or Janna? Idk. I was kind of affected though. I mean, do they actually look at me like that? That I become depressed when someone doesn’t invite me? 

     Another thing us, how can Emily agree to that? We were planning to visit Krizzia in the hospital since she had measles. No, we didn’t have to go in since we might catch it, but we could’ve just dropped by. Inconsiderate. 

      And Emily and Shine are becoming really snobbish lately. Idk if I know why. But I have a guess. ATTENTION is getting in their heads. Since Emily became a SCO officer, she was acting like she was wayyy better than us. Janna, she’s okay na. But she still needs to control what comes out of her mouth.

     IDK! I wan’t to transfer school so bad! and find genuine people. Because so far, in St. Scho, what people cared about was popularity. 

     The Junior girls are really friendly though. 

    And I miss Kim. I remember back in Grade 6, we were best friends. Then, she ditched me. Poof. What’s the reason? Idk if it’s reputation or something. I just want to have a group of friends that are real. There may be flaws, but no plastic-ness. That’s why I think Boy-friends are wayyy better. 

     Saturday ; August 4, 2012 ; 6:18 pm

     First Quarter exams are finally over! Wooh!

     Lots of things happened today :)

     I’ll skip about something that really hurt me. 

     So, you already know that my guitar’s at 4 pm, right? ;)

      Anyways, when I paid for my lessons and enrolled for drums too, at the counter, my seat changed. It was in across the information girl. or my right side i mean. Across me was this weird dude. He kept on brushing his knee against mine, and he kept on laughing. When I decided to listen to my iPod, he kept on tapping the table. Annoying. 

     I also found out my Drum Instructor is the same with Mico :> NO, I never knew that. I just cause Sir Joseph since he was my little sister’s instructor too. 

     My schedule is 1-2 pm. :(( and Mico’s is 5-6. Right after my schedule for guitar! and the same with Darwin’s! GAAAH. 

     Speaking of Darwin, I sensed he was impatient already. Since instead of ending at 5 pm, I ended at around 5:20 =)) 

     So, I was like, I’m almost there, introducing myself to Mico, but noooo„ god always does something. I thank him though, for letting me have an easy time during my SS and Bio exams =)))

     Friday ; August 3, 2012 ; 5:31 pm

     Last day of exams tomorrow! WOOH. 

     Anyways, what happened today? Hmm, A LOT :)) Ish. 

     Before tutor, me and my close friend, Janna, decided to eat lunch in McDo La Salle. So, yeah, we bought the usual. Then, we ate. After that, we decided to buy Twister Fries. While waiting in line, HEAVEN gave me a small blessing. Mico and his friend went in (OH MY GOD). And I REALLY saw with my two eyes Mico looking at me! Haha. Yes, I began to get shaky and felt hot. Of course, Mico Octaviano was there. Then, while waiting for our order, Jerard Magalona also arrived. I was like, “could this day get any better?”. 

     When we took our seat we started eating. Then, my 6th grade crush, Akira, passed by. Since Janna was classmates with him in grade 6, she called his name and he smiled. Then, Janna said “Paulie oh”, pointing at me. Akira also gave me a wave and smile. He never did that during grade 6! :O :)) 

     When we were done eating, just talking, Mico passed by. But he stopped right beside me (since I was seating near the aisle). I was like ” Lord, THANK YOU!”. And Janna also told me that on the way out, he glanced at me :”) 

      And I also noticed Tobie, Jerard’s friend, looking or glancing at me behind the bar-ed wall. 

     SO YES, I LOOOVE THIS DAY SO MUCH.

     And I just found out Mico’s grandma calls him “Ric Ric” =))) since his second name is Jerrico :”> 

Wednesday August 1, 2012 : 8:41 pm

     FIRST DAY OF AUGUST 2012. Wooh. It’s almost my birthday too.

     BUT, it’s exams starting tomo. So, bye :))

     Monday July 30, 2012 ; 6:22 pm

     Yeahh, I was absent yesterday. Nothing really happened. Just went to mass in my awesome ( wiiink) outfit and saw Aldwin too. I really want to approach him, you know, make a friend? Trust me, I have no romantic interest in him whatsoever. I just want to try being friends with him. It feels good to have a new friend. And I bought this book: “why we Broke Up”. I also learned a new pattern for friendship bracelets. “Chevron”. 

     Today was pretty boring too. 

     Tutor was okay. 

     On the way home, we passed by USLS. And I saw this couple or idk outside who were wearing USLS’ uniforms. What made me envious though was how the guy looked at the girl while she was talking. It was like I could read them. And I knew that the guy liked the girl.

     THIS is why I sometimes ask for drama and excitement in my life. It’s so boring.